The Survivalist
They tell me that I am a Miracle of life!
Part of medical history at age two!
They carved a big C –
From beneath my toddler chin,
to behind my rose petal size left ear.
My tracheotomy a mynute nick back then.
Now it’s the size of a quarter,
but people often say –
they don’t even notice it.
Until I mention it that is….
My life expectancy was 5
I can’t imagine my mother’s grief,
my father’s rage,
the innocence of my eyes
drinking in their trauma.
After 5 hit they gave me the gift
of 4 more years!
My stiches had long since healed
and yet I was still coming apart
from the inside out.
Age 9 I stood with a lighter in hand
I decided with all the trauma I had faced;
rape, molestation, surgery after surgery.
If this was what life was –
then I didn’t want one.
You can see the shift in my eyes,
from age 8 to 9.
Like a burnt-out candle.
A vignette is very fitting
to the dark shadow that lurches over me.
Baffled at how I made it past 9,
the doctors give me 9 more years!
Holidays with aggressors –
Birthdays spent with pedophiles.
A practiced stage worthy smile upon my face.
If I am a miracle of anything at this point –
then I am the miracle of survival…
Reflections
I used to tell people I was Frankenstein’s Daughter
he was the only person I could ever relate to.
The scars that traced my neck,
and the misunderstood demeanor.
How no one speaks our language –
grunts and disengaged looks from a hallowed spirit.
They don’t understand our triggers,
nor do they care how hot our inner fire burns.
Just after we were created doctors cried out;
“It’s a miracle!”
They never said what kind,
nor did they tell us we were just an experiment.
As I look in the mirror its hard to see a miracle
when all the world sees is a monster.
Coco, thank you for sharing tjis heartfelt poem....You are a miracle..God doesnt make mistakes , just the people you have endured. You spread so much happiness to all your friends, your beaufiful smile, your kind eyes, your sense of humor!Never look back, always forward!
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