CaLokie

Another Feel Good Christmas Miracle Play

Loki: For our annual feel good Christmas miracle play we have on my right, Okie, a

cowboy from Oklahoma, who claims he’s the real Jesus and on my left, Cal, a

democratic socialist from California. who says he’s JESUS CHRIST—SUPERSTAR!

Okie: Hey, man! I’m a capitalist, not a goddamned commie! Remember my parable of

the talents in Matthew 25:14-30 where I praised the two servants who by smart

investment doubled the money given to them by their master and condemned the lazy

individual who made no investments and thus made no profit from his grant.

Cal: Give me a fucking break! What kind of capitalist tells one of the ruling class to sell

everything he owns, and give all the money he made from that sale to the poor as I did

in Mark 10:21.

Loki: So. Jesus on my left, where were you born?

Cal: I was born in Nazareth where my old man, Joseph, worked as a carpenter. I lived

in that boondocks my whole life until John the Baptizer dunked me in the Jordan River.

Loki: Jesus on my right, where were you born?

Okie: Well Fake Jesus may have been born in Nazareth but I was born on a cold

winter!s night in O little town of Bethlehem where I was wrapped in swaddling clothes,

and laid in a manger because there was no room for me in the inn. There!s no book in

the Bible which says Jesus was born in Nazareth. Furthermore, the third person of the

trinity, the Holy Spirit, impregnated my mom and so I had no human father. Joseph was

my stepdad. He moved back to Nazareth after my virgin birth.

Cal: Wait a minute! If I was born of a virgin why didn!t Paul, who wrote his first epistle

about 20 years after I was crucified, mention anything about it? If my virgin birth is such

a big deal why do only Matthew and Luke among all the New Testament books say any

thing about it?

Okie: Well, the virgin birth of me was probably common knowledge among all those

other biblical authors so nobody really had to say anything about it.

Loki: But Jesus on my right, there!s no star over Bethlehem nor the visit of the Magi in

Luke and no baby lying in a manger nor choir of angels singing from the skies in

Matthew. How do you explain this apparent contradiction?

Okie: As a war on Christmas by secular humanists like you and Fake Jesus who want

everybody to say Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas. Apparently you guys

forget that me, the real Jesus, is the reason for the season.

Cal: Hey, man, show a little sensitivity! What if the person you’re talking to happens to

be a Muslim, Jew, Hindu, Buddhist or even an atheist?

Okie: It doesn’t matter. There’s no other way of salvation except through me. Like I

said in John 14:6, “I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father,

but by me.”

Cal: That wasn’t me who said those words. They were written in Greek by some

narrow minded author in the late first or early second century who attributed them to

Aramaic speaking me.

Okie: The most beautiful words I ever said, are recorded in the Gospel of John but

since you are the fake Jesus, you of course wouldn’t appreciate them.

Cal: Does the gospel of John sound at all like the way I talked in Mark, Matthew and

Luke? I never said anything like you had to believe I was the virgin born son of God

before you could get right with God. What I did say in Matthew 25:40 was “whatever

you do for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you do for me.”

Therefore when you feed the hungry you feed me. When you give water to the thirsty

to drink, you’re giving me water. When you welcome strangers, you welcome me.

When you clothe the needy, you cloth me. When you care for the sick, you care for

me. When you visit those in prison you visit me.”

Loki: Curious. The gospel of Matthew mentions the virgin birth but it’s not part of the

early Christian creed as stated in Matthew 25:31-46. On the other hand when John

1:14 says, “The Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us,” there is no mention that

this incarnation happened through the virgin birth. So what difference does it really

make whether the real Jesus was born of a virgin in Bethlehem or a Nazareth

peasant? What Christmas is about, I believe, is best expressed by Howard Thurman

from a Christmas homily--

When the song of the angels is stilled,

When the star in the sky is gone,

When the kings and princes are home,

When the shepherds are back with

their flock,

The work of Christmas begins:

To find the lost,

To heal the broken, 

To feed the hungry,

To release the prisoner,

To rebuild the nations,

To bring peace among people,

To make music in the heart.”

Cal: I couldn!t agree more. Thank you, Sister Loki. Merry Christmas, Brother Okie.

Okie: Amen, sister Loki. Happy Holidays, Brother Cal.

Loki: God bless us everyone.